2017/9/16 Sat
- two pieces of white bread with chocolate spread (my spoon is good at spreading)
- grass mochi from yesterday
- medium passion peach tea (hot)
- potato stew with potato gnocchi
- yesterday i did two things: took a picture of myself half-naked in the morning, when i was changing; got a cold in my sleep because i was wearing shorts. i have a sudden urge to send the picture to C, but to do so without asking feels too much like a transgression. so i wait for her to wake up. i intent to seduce her, but the seduction was meant for yesterday, when i was not yet sick. now i’m afraid she’d get angry at me for catching a cold and letting her worry and refuse to be seduced. then she wakes up and doesn’t say anything harsh. i am relieved. we make love. self-made sandwich: 2 pieces of white bread, 1 spoon of guacamole, 2 pieces of white bread, 1 piece of lettuce, 2 pieces of Bologna. this is not the first time we make love through text exchange, but the extra step of sending pictures means now the whole process is initiated by my knowledge of my own body, namely that it is desirable. the fact that C wants to see the picture and to make love with me becomes the evidence of this desirability and therefore, although i have put myself on display and made my body the ground of fantization, it feels like i am going into love-making so that i can nurture my self-indulgence. we decide to reverse roles tomorrow.
- house special tofu with rice