2018/3/5 Mon

  1. had trouble sleeping - the same feeling of the ridiculousness of sleep. how does anyone ever fall asleep? but it’s not that i’m not sleeping at all, it just requires hours of effort. dream: someone has passed away and my mother thinks we should sell most of our belongings from my childhood. she finds a man to pull away all my stuffed animals. i wake up and tell C i dreamed of my mother selling my stuffed lamb, though i’ve never had such a toy. she says she will buy me one. then i dream of us in our bedroom, she lying on top of me, telling me we already have four lamps with paper lampshades. in my dream i remember the shape of each one clearly. i know we can start to arrange them in our living room. sandwich: dark rye, 1 fried egg, guacamole, spinach. medium watermelon lemonade. again A says he’ll do his laundry later tonight. he looks pained merely thinking of it. i wonder how much he has. last night my mother sent me a picture of my grandparents’ marriage certificate. it was a single piece of paper that looked like an award letter from primary school, something you would glue to your bedroom wall alongside other similar pieces of paper.
  2. my whole room smells like banana. 1 banana.
  3. 1 beef burger with mushrooms and sour cream. when C wakes up it’s already too late for class so she doesn’t go. i tear open all the monopoly lottery games i’ve got from vons and find out i am the instant winner of a bottle of tomato sauce. one day C awoke at three in the morning and i had a sudden desire to nibble her fingers.