2018/2/22 Thur

  1. last night i wanted to have sex with C but failed. we had not done it for so long that, especially over the phone, i was at a loss of where to start. it felt like a complete defeat, thinking that i needed to learn it all over again. then i dreamed we went to the seaside. from the balcony of our hotel room, the ocean was emerald green. i told her how green it was. i said, you should come and see the ocean. she said, let’s make love in front of the mirror. i woke up every two or three hours throughout the night. the last dream i had was of teenage boys fighting in the hallway. we say good night twice, since i keep awaking. afterwards i manage to sleep till eleven. 2 pieces of lucy’s brownie crisps. 1 small cup of black bean and beef soup. i believe there’s a single nibble of bacon in it. later i run into V, and she tells me she wants to spend her summer at hong kong and learn cantonese. at the cafeteria the sign reads, pork butt. she asks them if it’s a mistake, but they confirm it is indeed pork butt. she is disgusted but has already ordered that. we go out onto the patio. today is cold, as it has been. immediately V throws a scarlet scarf around her head. she takes a bite and frowns, looking like a grandma dancing around her pork bun. she says, keep talking to me. i don’t want to think about this butt. after finishing one of the two buns, she says, now i’ll have pork butt inside me forever. i tell her she can just go and excrete. she says, not so quick! we sit there imagining we’re working the butt down and out of our digestion system. she says, maybe i have pork butt in my butt. i’d like it to be true, but i don’t think food goes through one’s butt. later she says she’ll go and debutt. we see E and L downstairs and L tries to make a point that actually eighty percent of a pig can be called pork butt. standing there listening to him, i almost dislike him for taking away the laugh (though he doesn’t succeed). medium china green tip tea.
  2. baby back rib half rack with fries and asparagus. sparkling raspberry lemonade. mini salted caramel pizzokie. first time seeing this? it’s H’s birthday dinner. E misremembers the date and comes in late from her thai massage. when i get back it’s almost midnight, and i’m afraid C might be worried and/or angry. but she is not. she says, i know you’re just at school. we talk for a while and she has to leave for dinner. she is going to eat shrimp at her grandfather’s. she says it requires both hands, so we say good night before i actually sleep.