2017/12/18 Mon

  1. last night i really wanted C but she’d said she wouldn’t have sex with me before i went back. now masturbation felt to me like some kind of practice. dream: i had an ex-girlfriend and she passed away. i was sitting in the classroom with some of my classmates. i heard funeral music and went out into the front yard. there were many people playing all kinds of funeral instruments and dancing funeral dance. i went back inside. someone brought in a textbook of hers and put it on her desk. i started to pull hairs out from between the pages and throw them into the trashcan. there were so many. they felt familiar, like hairs i’d touched before, like my hair. a boy said to me, she could have lots of hair in her coffin. i raised my right foot to kick him and was surprised i actually reached him. so i started to kick and punch and got him every time but was unsatisfied because all my blows were too light. i wished i could hurt him. i wake up and still remember who this boy is. beef and broccoli with fried rice and two cream cheese wontons.
  2. asian salad with chicken. i don’t understand why it is called asian salad. i believe it’s the crispy rice noodles, although i’ve never had them before. the sauce is gingery and i have to think there is some equivalence being made between asian food and sweet sauce with a hint of ginger.