2017/10/5 Thur
- love-making between us, especially when it’s done via text, usually involves the decision of who is getting fucked and who is fucking. since it always happens shortly before either of us is going to sleep, we don’t have enough time to take turns. but to assume a certain position is never difficult because, after the process begins for a minute or two, one of us will break down and call the other 姐姐 (jiejie, meaning elder sister), which oftentimes signals this person will be fucked this time. only once is there an exception, meaning 姐姐 (me) has led the other (C) to fuck her, yet as soon as it starts, i get such a strange feeling that i have to reverse it again and call her 姐姐, which grounds everything back into normal. there are so many names, so many things we call each other by in our daily conversations, but we can only feel safe and assured saying this one word while pleading pleasure. maruchan instant noodles with shrimp. and the thought keeps coming to me that, even within a self-induced orgasm, there is always a part, namely vagina contraction, that does not belong to me completely, since one of its functions is to increase the chance of pregnancy. during love-making that does not aim at or cannot ever lead to pregnancy, there is still this small, uncontrollable token that reminds you of the betrayed purpose or the absent opposite sex. but it does not make us feel less enchanted.
- medium chai (iced)
- caesar salad, rosemary potatoes, mushrooms, fat-free honey dijon. don’t be afraid of uncooked mushrooms. they have no strange taste or texture when there’s salad dressing. 5 slices of honey roast turkey breasts. this morning i’ve played 姐姐 and now C is working on getting me fucked. we do try to keep it even in the long run.