- 2 rice buns with red bean paste. 1 cup of milk.
- C is coming by the train and i take the subway to meet her at the train station. we both feel anxious. more than anxious: i feel as if it were a dream, and i was flying, floating through without touching the water beneath me. it is for me at the same time an ecstasy and the highlight of self-doubt. japanese barbecue: beef, beef tongue, lettuce, sweet corns, shrimp, salmon rolls (6 pieces).
- grande black tea latte (hot). again we are kissing in the fitting room we have once kissed during summer. walking by the same half block where two different malls locate, C says she has a feeling that we will frequent this area when we date in the future. we sit next to a whole wall of gashapon machines for a long time, holding each other. the blue and red led lights flash intermittently. sometimes small children come by. a girl gets a frozen gashapon and hands it to her parents, and from the dark pink shell they pour out shiny plastic snow flakes. we laugh at the strange and overpriced hippo gashapons. i feel ill in my stomach but also safe and sleepy. i wish we could go home and fall asleep. when C is gone i am at a loss because it is so short, almost can’t register in my mind, that for a while i am not sure if i have lost something. i keep worrying if C hasn’t really been happy. C says it is short but she is happy to see me, and i’m still preparing for seeing her next time. lying in the dark, i wait for twelve am so i can be the first to wish her happy new year. as soon as it reaches twelve, i hear cheers and the sound of fireworks outside the window, in a distance. fireworks have long been forbidden. maybe that’s why there are so few, gone so quick. i remember walking out from the mall and into the chilly winter dusk, feeling the desire to live with C heavy in my stomach. today my stomach is unusually present.
- pumpkin porridge. 2 oranges.