- yesterday i came to alla, los angeles to stay with X for a few days. later in the afternoon he went to visit a sculptor introduced to him by his friend. some time past midnight i asked where he was and he said they were drinking. i fell asleep on the couch. at half past three in the morning, i was awaken by a sudden flash of light outside the sliding window, accompanied by a short, explosive sound. i was scared. i thought, ball lightning! i have seen ball lightning! but it was X unlocking the door with his flashlight. at first he thought i was asleep and tried to quietly get ready for bed, yet he was mildly drunk and the couch i was lying on was too short so he kept bumping into my feet. it was becoming increasingly embarrassing for me to pretend to be sleeping. then he went into shower. i hadn’t realized the apartment was designed, unintentionally i suppose, in such a way that the shower was almost an echo chamber and i could hear him talking to himself, so loud, so close, that for a moment i wondered if he was speaking to me. eventually i sat up. he came out of shower and showed me pictures he’d taken of some go-go boys in the gay bar they’d been to. he told me something about the sculptor and said, jokingly, that he should start practicing to be an asian whore and call his friends bitches. he said the sculptor was married to an anthropology professor and i thought of call me by your name, which he had told me about that afternoon. i felt like saying, there is an anthropology professor in that movie as well. in fact there are two, but only one is involved in the romantic relationship. X was talking to me and the next second he fell asleep and started to snore. i stayed awake for another hour. before he came back i had been lying in the dark listening to the howl of wind, which sounded very much like ocean waves. it couldn’t be the ocean. the ocean was too far. but why not? it would be nice if the sound of ocean was loud enough for the whole city to hear and some people might not believe it was the ocean. the thought seemed too pretty. 1 scrambled with baby kale and roast turkey breast on 1 piece of whole grain bread.
- 1 cheese burger with french fries and 1 small cup of hot cocoa
- i caught a cold from last night. i take the bus to the museum of jurassic technology. medium hazelnut latte. on the bus back, i hear a man telling the man behind him, i don’t have any family. for me, christmas is just another day. as a matter of fact, i was born on christmas. the man behind him yarns repeatedly. yesterday X asked me why i wanted to save money and i told him i was preparing for being thrown out by my parents (my father, to be precise). he said, if they don’t throw you out will you leave by yourself? i said, of course not. i thought he seemed a little disappointed. today on the bus i try to be worried about the wildfires again but now they seem so far away; even the mysterious tear gas drill/hydrogen sulfide leak is no longer of much concern, although it happened only yesterday. maybe it’s my cold maybe it’s not. maybe it’s something else all together. i am coughing.